It was July 28th. July 26th was my due date. I felt pretty miserable that day. My husband came home and said we are trying castor oil. I thought it was just another wives tale. But I took a small drink at 8:00 and took my usual walk. At 1:30 in the morning I was awoken by my water breaking. We got up and went into the hospital.
I was laboring fine and easy I went into the hot tub and ate iced popsicles and called family. All the while stopping and breathing through contractions. I called my mom and told her and she prayed with me over the phone and started crying. My mom never cries so I knew she knew I was going to be going through the greatest trial… my mom is as strong as they come.
My mother in law came to help me and she was now in the room with Jesse and I. She was a huge help. The exact times of everything gets super fuzzy to me. So I won’t be super detailed about that.
I started going into harder labor and labored without any meds for a little while. I had a nurse check me. She did and said you are still at a zero. I had not progressed at all in hours of laboring. I started crying. I was so discouraged. I was ready for some slight assistance so they put me on a drug I hated. Stadol. It made me go out of my mind but I still felt the pain. I just wasn’t super coherent. I hated it.
So I got the epidural next. That was so incredibly amazing. I laid back on my pillow and talked and laughed a and ate my popsicles again. I labored like this for hours and dilated quickly to a 3 almost immediately and then eventually to a 10 where they then started to have me push finally. So I pushed for around 3 hours at this point? This was hard work. They kept checking me and telling me that he wasn’t really coming down the birth canal at all. They would check and have a grim look on their faces. I remember being so frustrated because they wouldn’t give me any hope or hardly talk. I think now they wondered if I could really do this without a c section.
Then my epidural wore off I had had it for hours and then I felt my back labor started to kick in for the first time. I think this was around 2 AM on July 29th. At this point I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to move. Nurses tried to tell me to get up and move positions. I did. Nothing eased the pain. Nothing. It just was horrifying pain. I wanted to lay on my side and just focus on getting through the next one. At this moment the only thing that would slightly help me is thinking of the suffering Jesus took for me and in my place. At this point I remember saying out loud “Oh Jesus I know that I deserve to die and go to hell. I don’t deserve for you to help me right now.” I kept feeling like my back was on fire. I had the distinct feeling that this was what it must be like to go to hell. I still remember gripping the hand grips of the bed and just whaling and whaling and whaling…for what seemed like hours…. from the deepest place inside of me. I was in such desperate pain I decided to focus on the face of Jesus and His great suffering for me. He gave me the clearest vision of his face. I remember his face so clearly He had thorns crushed down on his face and head and his eyes were rolling back in his head he was suffering so much. I thanked Him out loud for dying in my place and I remember hoping that the nurses would hear me. And want to know my Jesus. I remember looking up at the nurse who’s face was blue from checking the monitors and she had tears in her eyes or that’s what I thought. That’s all of the coherent thoughts I really had that I remember during that time of debilitating back laboring. The amazing thing was that when I focused my whole mind on Jesus He relieved the inability to cope with my pain. My focus on Him was the only thing that helped me during that time. As I waited for someone to come into the hospital to give me a booster of the epidural. I knew I needed it.
I was also desperately wanting a c section. I kept saying, “I have no more pride!! That’s the only reason people don’t want c sections!! I don’t have any more pride!! I think we should just do a c section. I feel like I need a c section.” Everyone just thought I was losing it. So the nurses and doctors kept on doing what they were doing. My husband said I think we should try a little longer baby. I wanted to please him. I so wanted to let me husband see me give birth and feel like I was strong. So I decided to try a little bit longer.
The epidural was administered the second time and I immediately passed out and went to sleep. My husband said I slept for 15 minutes. I woke and he was still holding my hand. He said, “should we give it a try?” I said, “yes” and we went for it.
The nurse said now I am going to have you push again. She held one leg and Jesse held the other one high up and pulled them back toward my face. I would wait till the nurse told me to push and I would push as hard as I could. I would curl my body upward as hard as I could and push as long as they told me to push. And then I pushed a little longer then they counted. I did this for what seemed like hours. I know that it was. Then the doctor came in and he began to prep different things. He brought the baby bed in the room and that helped inspire me. He asked for longer and more pushes. So I did. At this point my husband said that he was watching him do the different episiotomies on me and it was getting very messy. My husband said that there were many, many towels soaked in blood at this stage in the birth. He said, “He just kept cutting and cutting”. A nurse told us later that he had also cut where a good blood vein was. So blood was shooting with each beat of my heart and onto the floor. I am glad I only knew about this later… they then said we needed to do something. The doctor said you are going to need a vacuum. I said I didn’t want to do that. But I was out of my mind so my husband who was in his right mind said we have to. He said, “At this point I was so desperate.. I just wanted them to get him out”.
As soon as I heard the vacuum on and knowing it was attached to the top of my baby’s head I pushed even harder than I felt was ever possible in my state except for the Grace of our God. He gave me His strength. At this point I noticed lots of people were in the room. But it didn’t matter at all to me. I was completely and totally in a different world it felt like. I pushed and heard the vacuum and pushed. Soon I heard my husband, “Oh baby!” “Oh honey…” I knew the baby must have been coming then. The most incredible feeling was feeling a body leave your body. At 7:10 am July 30th Aiden Redemption was born. I raised up and looked at my little boy laying on the bed right underneath me. He looked so cute just laying there. He looked tired too. I fell back on the bed and then heard my mother in law Barb start to pray again. As she had been throughout the birth. She cried out, “Lord Jesus please allow Holly’s body to birth the placenta”. I would later be told the umbilical cord had detached from the placenta and it was now stuck behind my fibroid tumor.
They laid Aiden in my arms. It was about a second, I looked at him so in love and hoped he would stare right back into my eyes. He looked at me slightly and looked away. Haha. Bonding. I was so in love with this little human. He had hair!! And lots of it and he was so perfect. I said, “Jesse take him. I can’t hold him. I feel way too weak.” He took him and then I remember having a hard time just even being able to breath. I felt so weak.
They quickly put an oxygen mask on me and wheeled me out of the room, down the hall people over top of me talking in their different codes as they wheeled me down hallways. I was laying on the operating table and felt so sick. I kept telling the people working on me that I was sick and I was going to throw up. They were at this time opening my stitches that were just put in my episiotomy back up as they had to get me closed I was bleeding out a lot. The doctor had to go back in and get the placenta. They would then stitch me back up again. I remember at this point feeling like I might die I was so weak. Just sooooo extremely weak. I projectile threw up and passed out.
I woke still on a big metal operating table to a cheery nurse. She said, “You have a beautiful baby boy!” I said, “Yeah I do!” She asked his name. I said, “Aiden Redemption”. She said, “Oh I love that”. She said, “God gave you a beautiful baby!” I said, “God has been so good to me.”
From there I was wheeled to the ICU and stayed for a good part of the day where Jesse was able to bring Aiden. I was desperate to hold him. I had cords all wrapped over me while I tried to feed baby. I also had 6 bags of blood pumped back into my body as well as a bag of plasma. The nurses said they for sure felt “God was with them in the operating room”. I wasn’t surprised. He has always watched out for me.
The road has been long to recovery with a miracle from God thrown in as well as many others. I am still dealing with issues from the birth indefinitely but God has been my strength and He will continue to be. I am so thankful for how He brought us through our greatest and darkest valley so that we now have our deepest joy. Aiden Redemption. God is forever faithful. And we will forever praise Him.